Impulse

She is an adventure just waiting to happen,
The ride all the way down after you jump without looking
She is everything random
Like bungee-cords and fish-faces
She is a lucky dip full of impulses.
She is me.

Impulse. Every good thing I’ve ever done began with this feeling. Everything about me is guided by this feeling. This impulse. And yes, before you ask, people have told me before that impulsiveness is not necessarily a good thing – but then I was always too stubborn to care.

To me, there’s a such thing as rational impulse and irrational impulse. Sounds weird, I know. But it’s actually pretty simple. Everybody’s already familiar with the irrational kind of impulse – keying a cheating boyfriend’s car, getting a tattoo on a dare (okay, maybe I watch a little too much television). But what’s a rational impulse?

I like to think my rational impulses are the ones that lead me to discover new things, mostly things about myself. The way my impulse often manifests is through creativity. Making more sense now?

Still, I wouldn’t say I just fell into this world of rational impulse, more like I stumbled upon it. Three years ago I was sitting in math class with all intentions of saving the world one kid at a time. Miss Pediatric Neurosurgeon. I wasn’t paying attention (as usual) because out of nowhere my hand and my pen had a conversation with my notebook I didn’t know I was capable of transcribing.

I’d seen people do spoken word before. I fell in love with it when I didn’t even understand well enough what it was. Then I did something even crazier. On a whim. Completely out of character. I performed it in a competition.

Positive reviews, yes. Award, no. Ouch, right? Surprisingly, no. It proved to me that my voice wasn’t as soft as I thought. That’s the first rational impulse I remember. That was the first time I felt alive enough and free enough to say I was doing something more than existing. Because it was purposeful.

So. Writer’s Block Reflections. What’s that about? It’s about all the things I think about writing when I’m already writing something else. It’s about all the things I think about when I really should be paying attention in class. (Hey, everyone gets a little bored sometimes, right?). It’s about all my thoughts. It’s me.

And I’ve got a new word for it. Because “rational” is just not me enough. And I’m challenging you to find your own version of rational impulse.

So to the big question. Why’d I start WBR? Creative impulse of course!

Follow that feeling,
CiJhae

 

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